I BELIEVE

I believe in the power of voice to make change. I believe in the presence of friends as a necessary support in good times and hard times. I believe in my own integrity and in the power of standing up for what is right and good. I believe that without integrity there is no purpose in life. I believe in the power of the forest. I believe in the healing touch of my son as he embraces me in love. I believe in the strength I get from my husband telling me that he is there for me no matter what. I believe that I have been put on this earth with a purpose to support others in reclaiming their stories and their voices, and in turn in them helping me to continue to reclaim mine.

I believe that erasure and silencing can only be done in solitude and that as long as we have each other we will remain stronger than those who would seek to silence us. I believe what Alfred Adler said when he wrote that a lie would have no purpose if the truth weren’t dangerous. I believe that together we can create change. I believe that there are others who need us to make space for them to join us—more than we can even imagine. And that their presence is a force multiplier for the good.

I believe that there are times when destruction is the only way to make that space. I believe that I am entirely capable of engaging in that destruction and doing it with integrity.

Finally, I believe that every act of attempted erasure redoubles the power of my own voice, trembling though it may be at times. I believe in the force of my own hurricane.

***

How Can Women Write About Fashion at a Time Like This

No longer

a crumpled heart
choking at the bottom

of the hurricane
of my adulthood

laying bare
demanding of me

rise up—
like every bird

every leaf
a resurrection in green

my mother-in-law*
at knife point

(a blacked out
future

dead birds
and salt)

an offering
forever
nailed shut.

My hurricanes
demand

that I must believe
that I must be

something
that lasts

wild with
no patience

and for just
this one reason:

destiny.

*My mother-in-law, Cynthia Ann Hanegan, was murdered in 1974 in a targeted act of femicide. Her murder was predictable and preventable. It was facilitated and made possible by catastrophic failures in the very systems that purportedly exist to protect us. Many of those same failures persist today. I cannot abide that this is the best we can do.

***

I Refuse to Accept

The status quo
playing along

being a
listening girl

smiling—
so you can feel good

walking away
from the war
you have declared
with your lies

being erased
because, well—
it’s just easier
that way

(and for the record
I’ve never liked easy)

I refuse to believe
that you
are better

than her
or her

or her
(or me).